Daddy was a great dad, but he was not perfect. He had his flaws, and just as I've inherited many of his good qualities, I've also inherited some of his bad.
Probably the single worst quality I inherited from Daddy was his lack of patience at times, and the resulting frustration/anger that would inevitably follow. In his hospital room before he passed, there was a white board with questions that could be filled out by the patient or patient's family to help give the medical staff a little glimpse into some personal qualities of each patient. There was a question Mummy had filled out the answer to, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw it:
Question: What things annoy you the most?
Answer: When people ask too many questions 😆.
Daddy was constantly asked how he was feeling by the doctor, nurse, and his family, and you could see him get visibly agitated at times. I remember a time when the doctor asked him this question and, with a scowl, he mouthed:
"I don't know, ask my wife!"
This impatience extended to many things, and the vast majority of time it was maladaptive.
And like Daddy, I always thought I could work through these issues on my own. But sometimes, a person needs someone, something to guide him or her.
I've had moments of volatility since I lost Daddy, and I know this frustration I sometimes carry is very difficult to handle on my own. I need tools that help me deal with my various frustrations so I address them in a net overall positive way. If there's one thing I have that Daddy never did, it's the ability to (eventually) recognize my own flaws. I may not have acted on it in the past, but I'm going to try my best to do so now.
Action more than words.
Daddy could have been a more perfect human being, and if he had some more self-insight, perhaps he could've lived a more peaceful, less stressful life. And if he had, maybe he would still be here.
It's my responsibility to not only learn from the positive things Daddy did, but also to learn from the negative. And by doing so, I may eventually save my own life as a result.