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Memories of Daddy, Post 54: I Just Wanted the Chance to Give Daddy a Comfortable Place to Sleep.

I wish I had seen/spoken to/hugged Daddy more frequently than I did before he passed.

But just because I didn't, did NOT mean I didn't think about him frequently. Decisions I made (and regretfully didn't make) were frequently influenced by him.

When I decided to move to California, I had to look for housing. In hindsight, I wish I had been closer to Daddy and chose to be in New York (which was an option), but there was no way for me to know that he would get as sick as he did. But I WAS moving, so I only looked for 2 BR, 2 bath places that would be as comfortable and as accessible as possible for Daddy.

If I found a great 1 BR, no.

Great townhouse with 2 BR, 2 bath, but both on the 2nd floor? No.

No matter how nice or how good of a deal it was for me, if it wouldn't be good for Daddy, then it was an automatic "no".

I finally settled on a nice apartment in Pasadena that had elevator access, 2 big bedrooms so Daddy could sleep comfortably, and 2 bathrooms with one particularly large and easily able to handle a wheelchair. It would be PERFECT for when Mummy and Daddy visited. I was really excited for when that day came.

But it never did.

Daddy started to get really sick just after I had moved to California. I signed a one year lease, but I renewed it despite this fact... because even though I knew in my mind Daddy would never be able to come and visit me, I would never have forgiven myself if a miracle had allowed him to visit and he was not comfortable.

It took many years, but I finally started to earn a good living, one in which I could have ensured my parents comfort when they visited. But I'll never get to do that with Daddy.

What I can hope for is he took comfort in knowing his son tried to think of him as much as possible, even though I didn't think of him as much as I wished I did.

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