Mummy will be arriving in California tomorrow to spend time with me and my sister, and it couldn't come at a better time.
I've had a number of ups and downs this year, and I honestly just want to lay my head on Mummy's lap and sleep. When my parents were around, I always felt safe, and nothing has changed in all these years. I am very much a combination of Mummy and Daddy. And I think that's why I have always been so amazingly close to them.
I have the emotional fire of Mummy but the practicality of Daddy.
Anytime my equilibrium was significantly skewed towards one of those sides, I knew I could always go to the "counter"-parent to get re-centered. If I didn't allow myself to open up emotionally to a given situation, Mummy would find a way to bring down my barriers. If I was being too emotional, Daddy would always be able to give me some perspective.
My parents balanced me.
But now, I don't have that balance. I used to be able to depend on my brother to do a pretty damn good impression of Daddy, but that no longer is the case (long story and not appropriate to discuss publicly). As a result, I find myself unbalanced, at times feeling emotional with no person to help
keep me grounded
to level with me
to provide words of comfort.
Now, it's not that I don't appreciate Mummy, because of course I do - she's an amazing Mummy ❤️. But just as Daddy could never replace Mummy and all the richness she brings to my life, Mummy could never ever replace Daddy. And she would never try to.
And so I don't feel leveled, and I'm left to wonder when I will find that balance once again. I just want to call Daddy to get advice, but I guess the only place where that will happen is in my dreams.